Anger is poison: let it go
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Buddha
The topic of anger comes up with every client that I have. As Brene Brown says in her book, Atlas of the Heart, anger is an emotion that we feel when something gets in the way of a desired outcome or when we believe there’s a violation of the way things should be. Brene goes on to say, when we feel anger, we believe that someone or something else is to blame for an unfair or unjust situation, and that something can be done to resolve the problem.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
I am angry that my spouse/partner is lazy and I am working my butt off
I am angry that my parents didn’t ever say they loved me or were proud of me
I am angry that the person at work went around my back
I am angry that I got sick and I eat so healthy and take care of myself
I am angry that I can’t lose weight and I have been dieting for so long
I am angry that I have to interrupt what I am doing to help my kids
The thing is that anger takes a real toll on our mental and physical health and that is why the Buddha’s’ saying really hit home for me when I learned it 20+ years ago. Anger puts you into fight or flight response activating your sympathetic nervous system. Headaches, insomnia, anxiety, high blood pressure, eczema are all potential health issues related to holding onto anger. Learning different ways to let go of your anger is actually one of the best ways to take care of your brain and many of the other organs like your liver.
Here are some exercises that you can do to help you let go of your anger:
Journal - Acknowledge your anger, what am I angry about? write a note to the person you are angry with, get all of your anger out then burn it or rip it up, ask yourself how will I feel when I Iet this anger go? write out a forgiveness paragraph, if I can’t forgive this person right now is there someone else or myself that I can show forgiveness to?
Burn it - Sit by a fire pit/fireplace with several pieces of paper, write out on a piece of paper what you are angry about, throw the paper into the fire and watch the anger burn away, keep doing this until you start to feel a sense of calm or the ability to forgive. If you need to, you can keep writing the same thing on each piece of paper
Change perspective - ask yourself, in 1 year will this still be something that is important to me to be angry about, in 5 years, on my deathbed will I be thinking out this?
Move your body - go for a walk preferably with some sort of nature around you and notice all the that is around you, use all your senses, notice how your body feels as it settles and lets the anger go.
Seek help from a friend, a lifecoach or a therapist