CARE Method - Practice Presence and Non-Judgment

How often do you sit across from someone talking and you are trying to see a text on your phone, trying to see what’s happening in a sporting event on TV, figuring out what your response might be or judging what they are saying. To build strong, warm, connections and relationships presence and non-judgement are critical. Try this method next time you find yourself wandering from a conversation.

Practice Presence and Non-Judgment

When you have a conversation with someone, using the acronym CARE can help you be present and truly listen to that person, rather than judging or focusing on your own opinions. Here are the steps to CARE:

C oncentrate – focus your single-pointed attention on the person you are with. Don’t try to multitask, check text messages, or do anything other than listen and be present.

A ssist – make it easier for the other person to express himself or herself by showing that you are deeply listening. Pay attention to your body language and use natural gestures and facial expressions that show that you are engaged and present. For example, rather than letting your eyes wander to your phone or activity in the room, look into the other person’s eyes.

R ephrase – to make sure you understand what someone is saying, repeat or rephrase what youhave heard, and ask, “Is this what you are saying?” Although you won’t want to repeat everything someone says, pausing to rephrase from time to time can help you stay focused and ensure that you’re listening deeply.

E mpathetic response – the word empathy means the ability to share another person’sexperiences and emotions. Sometimes empathy will come naturally, and other times you may find it more difficult. In these moments, don’t force yourself to feel something—this never works and will come across as inauthentic. Instead, keep focusing on listening to the other person without judgment, offering the gift of presence.