Take a Break: How a Leave of Absence, a red light and an alone rock are the way through.
I was half way through breakfast with the my boss, the CEO, about 2 hours before we both needed to be on stage at the annual Holiday Leadership Meeting for several thousand of our store employees when I mustered up my courage. I said to her,“I need to take a break, I need time to heal from my grief”. The tears started flowing, I felt weak, the weakest I have ever felt in my life but I knew I wasn’t myself, and I knew I wouldn’t get back to myself by continuing to fly to Minneapolis every week and live in a corporate apartment. I needed my husband, my kids, my dog, my home to wrap around me like the coziest blanket you ever experienced and help me heal.
I went on stage 2 hours later and when I stepped off that stage, the process of taking a mental health leave of absence would begin. It felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders yet I somehow felt weaker than I did before.
I developed a plan with my colleagues, to whom I am forever grateful for, and I announced my mental health LOA to the stunned faces of my leadership team and peers. With a flood of tears, I was carried out of the building (figuratively), headed to the airport to start my “break”. I kept reminding myself that the only way out is through.
I have learned that taking a break is many times the best way through. It’s a strength, although it can feel weak. When I had my first child I smoothly went back to work after 6 weeks (yep, I got 2 extra weeks becauseI had a C-section). With my second child, my mind/body/spirit was not having that. I went back and immediately knew I needed a “break”. It took weeks to find my bravery through that weak feeling and change my schedule to part-time 3 days a week, then to 4-days, then to full-time, then back to 4 days. That “break” lasted 4 years. It allowed me to be with my kids, give my husband the breaks he needed and was one of the best gifts of my life. It also delayed my promotion - breaks can help put things in perspective.
All breaks don’t have to be this dramatic, in fact, my son taught me this when he was very little, he used to leave the house and go down to a very specific place on the rocks by our beach, we called it his “alone rock”. Now, when I have a house full of people in the summer, which I LOVE, inevitably I notice judgment or anger creeping in, I take a break, retreating to my bedroom to meditate or read a chapter of one of my go to books - my alone rock.
When I am rushing around without any presence and I have to stop at a red light feeling agitated, I realize that red light is the gift of a break to come out of my mindlessness, take a few deep breaths, and consciously proceed with my day.
The thread through all of my experiences with breaks is awareness, a gut feeling, your heart tightening, your throat/voice constricted, your body is tired or restless, physically being sick. Your body will tell you, you need a break, you just have to listen.
Things you can do to practice listening:
Meditate
Journal
Daily mood tracker
Time in Nature
Physical Exercise
Warm Bath